10 Secrets to Getting Along with Anyone
In a world full of different personalities, opinions, and behaviors, getting along with people—especially those who irritate you—can feel impossible.
But what if there was a simple, science-backed strategy to make it easier?
The 12 Shapes Relationship System reveals that the real secret to getting along with anyone is making them feel safe with you. When people feel emotionally and psychologically safe, they are automatically more cooperative and kinder.
Here are 10 ways to create more safety with others:
1: Honor Their Value as Equal to Yours
The foundational principle of the 12 Shapes Relationship System is that all human beings have the same intrinsic value as you, even though, we all grown up believing the opposite – that value is earned, and some people have more than others.
You have the power to choose your belief about human value, and it’s a critical choice to make. You will either go with your subconscious programming and always tend towards judgment and criticism of others, seeing them as better or less than you. Or you can decide that for you, all human value is equal. No one is better or worse—just different.
When we see other humans as having the same value as us, we naturally treat them with more respect and avoid belittling, dismissing, or talking down which makes them feel unsafe.
💡 Truth Bomb: People can be wrong, ill-informed, make mistakes, or lack people skills and still have the same intrinsic value as you. That value deserves to be honored.
2: Honor Their Differences
Most of the time, we clash with people because they think, communicate, or behave differently than we do. We assume our way is the right way, and when someone is different, we tend to see their way of being as wrong or less than ours. We must stop doing this and allow people to be DIFFERENT, not better or less.
We need to get curious about their differences and their perspectives and what we could learn from them. We need to focus on learning instead of correcting. Shift from judgment to appreciation.
3: Validate Their Right to Be the Way they Are
You don’t have to agree with someone to validate their perspective. Many conflicts escalate because people feel unheard, dismissed, or forced to change.
Validation means:
Acknowledging that their feelings and experiences are real for them.
Accepting that they see the world differently (and that’s okay).
Letting go of the need to convince them they are wrong.
💡 Truth Bomb: Instead of saying “You shouldn’t be upset,” try “That must be really frustrating.” Allow them the right to the perspective and feelings they have.
4: Set Boundaries Without Dishonoring Them
Honoring someone’s value doesn’t mean tolerating bad behavior. The key to mutual respect is knowing how to set boundaries without making the other person feel small or attacked. A healthy boundary is about caring for yourself and asking for what you need. It’s not about controlling others.
💡 Truth Bomb: You can honor someone and protect yourself at the same time. Instead of blaming, use “I” statements—“I feel uncomfortable when…” "I need to do this for me...." Then, hold your boundary without guilt. Kindness doesn’t mean being a doormat.
5: Get to know them and learn how they are wired
The fastest way to understand someone is to have them take the 12 Shapes Quiz—because it instantly reveals: how they see the world, their biggest fears and triggers, and what they need to feel safe and valued. But if you don’t know their Shape, the best tool is curiosity.
Ask questions to understand them better and listen without forming a counterargument. Just absorb their perspective. Observe how they react to stress. People reveal their deepest fears when they’re upset. The more you understand someone, the less likely you are to judge them.
6: Assume Positive Intent (Give People the Benefit of the Doubt)
One of the biggest reasons we struggle to get along with others is that we assume the worst about their intentions. We think someone is being rude when they might just be stressed. We assume a coworker is undermining us when they might just see things differently. We assume someone is ignoring us when they may just be distracted.
This is where you need to get curious again and ask caring questions to clarify intent.
Give them the same grace you’d want others to give you.
7: Master Emotional Self-Regulation (You Control Your Reactions)
People push our buttons, but we choose how we react. If we get defensive, lash out, or shut down, it escalates the situation. But when we control our emotions, we set the tone for a better interaction.
Learn your SHAPE and understand your triggers, so you can be responsible for them. Pause before reacting—take a deep breath before saying anything. Ask yourself: “Is my response coming from wisdom or fear?” Stay calm, even when others aren’t. Your emotional control influences the energy of the conversation.
8: Ditch the Need to Be Right
Many conflicts aren’t about facts—they’re about egos. We naturally want to be right, but when we focus on winning a conversation, we lose the relationship. Ask yourself: “Do I want to be right, or do I want to have a good relationship?” Instead of debating, try saying: “That’s an interesting perspective—tell me more.” Remember: You don’t have to agree to respect someone’s viewpoint.
9: Be Willing to Apologize (Even If It Wasn’t Intentional)
Apologizing isn’t about admitting defeat—it’s about repairing trust. Even if you didn’t mean to upset someone, acknowledging their feelings can heal a rift before it grows.
Use phrases like “I’m sorry if that came across wrong.” “That wasn’t my intention—can we reset?” “I see how that might have hurt you. I’ll be more mindful in the future.”Don’t justify—just acknowledge. A quick apology can fix what a long argument won’t.
10: Be the Person You’d Want to Be Around
At the end of the day, people like being around those who make them feel good. If you want to get along with others, start by being kind, encouraging, and a joy to be around. Smile and greet people warmly—it instantly shifts the energy of a conversation. Be encouraging and uplifting—compliment others on their strengths. Treat everyone with kindness, even when no one’s watching.
Getting Along Is a Skill You Can Learn
Getting along with people isn’t about changing who you are—it’s about learning to see others with more understanding, less judgment, and more emotional intelligence.
A quick way to improve your people skills is to read the book “How Humans are Wired”. This short little book will give you a greater understanding of people and human behavior than anything else. It makes understanding people simple and easy. Get your copy on Amazon today.
Take the 12 Shapes Quiz and find your Shape – learn about yourself and your own triggers, talents, and superpowers. It will help you to love yourself – which translates into more love and compassion for others.
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