Beating the fear of loss
If you are a fear of loss dominant SHAPE this is very important!
The fear of loss is one of the most powerful fears we face. It’s not only about the loss of material things but also the loss of relationships, status, opportunities, and even a sense of control over our lives. This fear is deeply rooted in our subconscious and can significantly impact our relationships and happiness if left unchecked. But just like the fear of failure, you can overcome the fear of loss by addressing its root cause and shifting your perspective.
Why Do We Fear Loss?
The fear of loss stems from the belief that you aren't safe in the world - and you must protect yourself from mistreatment, disorder or the diminishing of your quality of life or security. This mindset ties your sense of safety to external things, making you feel vulnerable and insecure whenever something is at risk.
This fear probably started in your the first time someone stole your toy or ate the last cookie. You realized in that moment that the world isn't a safe place and you wre going to have to defend and protect yourself. You were going to have to try to control things to keep yourself safe. The problem is control is an illusion and you have very little of it. There are going to be many things every day that aren't what you wanted - and you are going to lose a lot.
But here’s the good news: Your security in the world, is not tied to external factors - or at least it doesn't have to be. You can be the source of your sense of safety in the world. You can decide to feel safe and secure even in the face of things not being right or losing something. It's not easy at first, but you can learn to do it.
Two ways to battle this fear
The Buddha Approach: Accepting Impermanence
Buddha taught that all suffering comes from attachment—the desire to hold onto things that are, by nature, impermanent. We fear loss because we cling to the idea that we need certain things, people, or circumstances to feel safe and happy. The truth, however, is that nothing in life is permanent. Everything changes, and loss is a natural part of the human experience.
To overcome the fear of loss using the Buddha approach, you must embrace the concept of impermanence. This means accepting that nothing—not your possessions, relationships, or even your health—is guaranteed to last forever. Instead of resisting this truth, lean into it. Recognize that the beauty of life lies in its fleeting nature. By releasing your attachment to things and trusting in your ability to adapt, you can find a deep sense of peace.
Here are a few steps to practice this approach:
Cultivate Mindfulness: Mindfulness helps you stay present and appreciate the moment without worrying about the future. Focus on what you have right now, rather than fearing what you might lose.
Let Go of Clinging: Notice when you’re holding on too tightly to something—a relationship, a job, or an ideal. Practice letting go and trusting that you will be okay, no matter what happens.
Embrace Gratitude: Gratitude shifts your focus from scarcity to abundance. Be thankful for what you have, even if it’s temporary, and you’ll feel more secure in the present moment.
The Viktor Frankl Approach: Finding Meaning in Suffering
Viktor Frankl, a Holocaust survivor and psychologist, believed that the key to overcoming fear and suffering lies in finding meaning. Frankl taught that even in the face of unimaginable loss, we can choose how we respond. We may not have control over what happens to us, but we always have control over how we interpret it and what meaning we assign to it.
The Viktor Frankl approach to beating the fear of loss involves shifting your focus from what you’ve lost to what you can gain in terms of growth, wisdom, and purpose. Loss can be a powerful teacher, helping you grow stronger and more resilient. Instead of seeing loss as something to fear, see it as an opportunity to deepen your understanding of life and yourself.
Here are some steps to practice this approach:
Reframe Your Perspective: When you experience loss or fear it, ask yourself, “What can I learn from this?” or “How can this experience help me grow?”
Focus on Contribution: Frankl believed that meaning comes from what we contribute to the world. When you’re afraid of loss, focus on the ways you can make a difference for others. This helps shift your attention from fear to purpose.
Embrace Your Inner Strength: Loss reveals how strong and resilient you truly are. Recognize your ability to endure and overcome challenges, and you’ll feel less afraid of what might come.
Special Note to Parents
Teaching your children how to manage the fear of loss is one of the most important lessons you can share. Help them see that while loss is a natural part of life, it doesn’t have to define their happiness or security. When they experience loss, help them decide consciously how miserable they want to be about it. That is what's always in their control. In doing so, you’ll give them the tools to navigate life’s uncertainties with courage and grace.
Closing Message
The fear of loss is a universal human experience, but it doesn’t have to control your life. By embracing impermanence and finding meaning in every experience, you can transform your fear into a sense of peace and purpose. Choose to see loss not as a threat, but as an opportunity to grow, learn, and connect with the deeper truths of life.
As you practice these approaches, you’ll feel safer in a world of uncertainty and develop the strength to face whatever comes your way. In letting go of the fear of loss, you’ll discover a profound freedom and a greater capacity to live in your values and love and live fully.
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