Dating Smarter with 12 Shapes Science – How to find the right partner
- Kim Giles
- Feb 17
- 3 min read
If you’ve ever felt like dating is a guessing game—where you’re trying to figure out who someone really is before investing your time, emotions, and energy—you’re not alone. Wouldn’t it be a game changer if you could understand a potential partner’s core motivations, triggers, values, and fears before getting too attached?
That’s exactly what the 12 Shapes Relationship System does for you.
By identifying someone’s Shape, you instantly unlock the deepest drivers of their behavior—what makes them feel safe, what triggers their worst reactions, and what they subconsciously prioritize in life. This will help you create a healthy relationship from the beginning.
It’s like getting a cheat code for dating.
Why Knowing a person’s SHAPE is a Dating Game Changer
1️. Core Fear: The Hidden Force Behind All Their Behavior
Every person has a core fear that shapes how they react to stress, conflict, and relationships. This is the #1 most important thing to know about someone before committing to them.
If they have a fear of failure, they’ll crave validation, reassurance, and emotional connection. They might people-please or struggle with insecurity when they feel unappreciated.
If they have a fear of loss, they’ll be independent, protective, and strong-willed. They set firm boundaries and expect to be treated with fairness and respect.
Understanding their fear tells you what makes them feel loved and what sets them off. It helps you avoid unnecessary fights and navigate emotional triggers before they become problems.
2️. Core Value System: What They Focus on & Fight Over
A person’s Shape also reveals their core value system, which dictates what they prioritize in life—and, just as importantly, what will irritate them the most.
People & Feelings Focused: Warm, caring, and relationship-driven, but might be overly emotional, needy, or struggle with boundaries.
Tasks & Things Focused: Hard-working, responsible, and goal-oriented, but may neglect emotions and relationships.
Systems & Concepts Focused: Highly intelligent, logical, and organized, but can be critical, rigid, or dismissive of feelings.
If you know what someone overvalues, you know what they will prioritize over you in a relationship. It also shows you where conflicts will arise. But, if you understand what is happening when they are triggered because of a difference in values, you can address it instead of getting defensive by it. You can understand them and honor their differences, instead of engaging in fights.
How to Date by the Shape
Now that you know why this matters, how do you actually apply it?
Step 1: How to find the right partner
Get on your favorite dating apps, go out, meet people—whatever works for you!
Look for Shape clues in their profile. Their photos, job, interests, and bio often reveal how they think and what they value. (The How Humans Are Wired book can help you spot these clues.)
If you can’t tell their Shape, introduce them to the 12 Shapes system by telling them about your Shape and sending them to 12shapes.com.
Instead of saying, "Take this quiz before I date you," say: "I’d love to know your Shape so I can show up for you the way you need. You can check mine out here!"
Step 2: Compatibility—It’s Not Just About Attraction
Some Shapes are naturally more compatible (or easier for you to get along with), but here’s the kicker: We tend to be attracted to people who are different from us—which is exciting at first but eventually leads to conflict.
This is why we created the 12 Shapes Compatibility Report—to help you understand:
· Which Shapes will feel easy to get along with.
· Which Shapes will challenge you the most (but also help you grow).
· What conflicts will likely arise—and how to handle them.
Step 3: Pay Attention to Balance—It Matters More Than Shape
Even if someone is a “compatible” Shape, their emotional balance is even more important.
If someone is constantly fear-triggered, defensive, insecure, or arrogant, they will be difficult to date—no matter what their Shape is.
Pay attention to how often they feel unsafe, upset, or reactive. The most successful relationships happen when both people are emotionally balanced most of the time.
You can get along with almost anyone if they are emotionally mature and balanced.
Dating Smarter—Find Your Perfect Match with 12 Shapes
Until we launch a 12 Shapes Dating App (we’re working on it!), you can still hack the system by using the Shape method to date smarter, avoid unnecessary heartache, and find someone who truly clicks with you.
· Visit 12shapes.com to find your Shape & learn how to date by Shape.
This could be the game changer you’ve been looking for.
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