The Biggest Parenting Mistake You will Make—If You Don't Know Your Child's Shape

There’s one parenting mistake more common—and more damaging—than almost any other.  It comes from not understanding your child’s Shape—and therefore, not understanding who they really are.

The mistake?

You see their differences as faults.

And you make them feel like they’re broken.

Almost all of us make the biggest parenting mistake

We all do it. This is because we believe the way we are wired is the right way, and anyone who doesn’t live the way we do is wrong.

If you’re naturally disciplined, organized, and moral—you assume those are the qualities your child should have, too. And when your child shows up wired differently—maybe they're messy, emotional, scattered, or rule-breaking—it’s easy to judge them.

You think:

• “Why can’t they just focus?”

• “They’re too soft.”

• “They’re lazy.”

• “They need to try harder.”

But what you’re really doing is measuring them against your own Shape—your own way of being—and making your way the “right” way. I hate to break it to you, but it’s not.

Your child's natural value system is there for a reason and it's the key to their own unique superpower - it may have pros and cons - but so does yours!

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Your Child Isn’t Broken—They’re Just Wired Differently

Maybe your child is undisciplined, forgetful, or lacks ambition. Before you jump to conclusions seeing these things as bad, ask yourself: Could they be a Heart?

Hearts value comfort, empathy, emotional safety, and connection far more than structure or ambition. They’re the ones who soothe crying siblings, show compassion to classmates, and remind the world that kindness matters.

Will they be as financially successful as you? Maybe not. But they bring a different kind of magic to the world - that the high-achieving Shapes often can’t. They teach us how to feel, have empathy and compassion. And that has just as much value in the world… maybe more.

Maybe your child bends the rules, challenges authority, or “cheats the system.” They could be a Circle, Octagon, Arrow, Triangle or a Rhombus! These are the innovators and risk-takers. The kids who look at the world and say, “There’s got to be a better way.” How else could this be done other than the way I am being shown or taught?

Yes, they may test your patience. Yes, they need boundaries. But they are also the future inventors, entrepreneurs, and changemakers. Their ability to think outside the box isn’t a problem—it’s a superpower. They just need you to teach them how to use it wisely.

Your Job Isn’t to Mold Them Into You

The goal of parenting is not to raise a mini-me.It’s to raise a child who becomes the most successful, fulfilled version of themselves.

That means:

• Understanding their Shape

• Celebrating their wiring

• Helping them use their strengths for good

• Gently teaching them boundaries and respect for others

When you honor their wiring, you give them a powerful gift: The freedom to self-actualize. You help them become the best THEM, not the best you.

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The Problem Isn't Just in Parenting—It's Everywhere

Here’s the truth: The tendency to judge and condemn differences is one of the biggest problems on the planet right now. We see it in politics, religion, and culture.People decide that their way is right and others are wrong, bad, or even dangerous.

But what if we understood that different Shapes—and different value systems—each bring something essential to the world? What if we realized that the other side of the aisle doesn’t need to be destroyed, but balanced with?  That financial responsibility and empathy are both needed? That structure and flexibility can coexist? What if we appreciated what both political parties value most and learned to strike a balance between them instead of believing our extreme views are the only right way?

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Bring Understanding into Your Family

Start with your own children. Recognize that the one who excels in school and follows the rules is amazing. But so is the one who struggles with academics and brings creativity, emotional depth, or humor to the family. Every child has a gift. Every Shape brings value. Try to celebrate qualities and values, kindness, honestly and empathy as much as you do performance. Make sure that every child is celebrated equally, no matter what they bring to the table.  When you know their Shapes, you can see what those qualities are and you can better praise and encourage them.

The Most Important Lesson You Can Teach

The most important thing you can teach your children, that has the potential to change the direction of their life is: Every human soul has equal value.

Differences don’t change that. This isn’t a race. It’s not a competition. It’s a journey of helping each soul become who they’re meant to be—not who we want them to be.

So, if you want to avoid the biggest parenting mistake…

·      Learn your child’s Shape.

·      Understand how they’re wired.

·      Celebrate them, not for being like you, but for being exactly who they are.

Want to Know Your Child’s Shape?

Go to 12shapes.com and take the quiz to find your child’s Shape. It’s the first step to seeing your child with fresh eyes—and becoming the parent they truly need. Get the book How Humans are Wired and read all about each child and make notes about their gifts and superpower, and how to parent them.

This will ensure that you raise confident kids who are prepared to use their gifts and talents in a way that will benefit them and the world.