What Your Shape Says About You in Relationships
The 12 Shapes Relationship System is a powerful tool for understanding how you show up in relationships. Whether you're struggling with love, looking for deeper connection, or trying to find your best match, knowing your Shape can give you the insight you need. In this article, we'll outline the top strengths and challenges of each Shape in relationships, so you can:
Take accountability for your own behavior, work on your unbalanced tendencies, and become the best version of yourself.
Better understand your partner's natural strengths and struggles, fostering more compassion and patience in your relationships.
If you're single, identify which Shapes you might be most compatible with by considering which challenges you'd find manageable and which strengths would be most attractive to you.
Every Shape brings something beautiful to a relationship, and every Shape has challenges when they are in a fear state. Understanding these patterns can help you navigate love with wisdom and compassion.
Here are the basic pros and cons of being in a relationship with each Shape:
Being in Relationship with a Heart (Empathetic)
Hearts are kind, empathetic, and giving, but their insecurity and neediness can cause problems. If they are unbalanced, they can get depressed, isolate, and seek comfort in unhealthy ways.
Top Relationship Strengths:
Deeply caring and nurturing—able to make others feel safe, loved, and wanted.
Empathetic and a good listener, slow to judgment.
Kind and generous, they err on the side of being overly generous to others.
Top Relationship Challenges:
Can be overly sensitive, take things personally, and struggle with terrible insecurity.
Struggles with boundaries—tends to over-give and then get resentful.
Avoids conflict and bottles up feelings, can isolate and turn to destructive means for comfort.
Being in a Relationship with a Circle (Enthusiastic)
They are fun, engaging, warm, and giving but in an unbalanced state they can be reactive, blow up, or be highly needy for validation and attention.
Top Relationship Strengths:
Fun, spontaneous, and full of energy—keeps things exciting.
Highly social and great at making their partner feel included.
Optimistic and caring - very aware of others and what they need.
Top Relationship Challenges:
Can be emotional and have immature reactions in a melt-down.
Struggles with boundaries—tends to overgive and then get resentful.
Needs constant excitement, validation, attention, and stimulation, which can be exhausting for some partners.
Being in a Relationship with an Oval (Obedient)
They are responsible, dependable, and giving but in an unbalanced state they can be insecure, afraid to communicate, and fail to have boundaries or look out for themselves.
Top Relationship Strengths:
Dependable and responsible—keeps the relationship stable.
A giver who puts other’s needs first, sometimes to a fault.
Values loyalty and commitment—takes relationships seriously.
Top Relationship Challenges:
Avoids conflict at all costs, which can lead to unspoken resentment.
Struggles to express their own needs and may get taken for granted.
Can be too rigid and resistant to change, risk, or spontaneity.
Being in a Relationship with an Octagon (Intuitive)
They are charismatic, affectionate, attractive, high achievers, but in an unbalanced state they can have trauma response behavior that can make them overly picky, easily offended, and hard to please. They could have a victim mentality or be highly opinionated.
Top Relationship Strengths:
Deeply intuitive and understands their partner’s emotions without words.
Passionate, sexual, and intense—loves deeply and profoundly.
Spiritual and philosophical—brings depth to the relationship.
Top Relationship Challenges:
Can be moody and emotionally unpredictable.
May feel misunderstood and withdraw when feeling hurt.
Very opinionated and can get bothered a lot, especially by perceived mistreatment.
Being in a Relationship with a Star (Expressive)
They are beautiful, artistic, creative, sexual beings who love taking care of their people and being cared for, but in an unbalanced state they can be moody, emotional, and have high highs and low lows.
Top Relationship Strengths:
Charismatic, Sexy, and exciting—makes their partner feel special.
Creative and romantic—always coming up with great ideas.
Emotionally open and willing to share their feelings.
Top Relationship Challenges:
Needs a lot of attention and validation to feel secure.
Can be dramatic. Moody, or overreact to minor issues.
Struggles with consistency and follow-through.
Being in a Relationship with an Arrow (Achiever)
They are motivated, active, independent, and amazing problem solvers, but in an unbalanced state they can isolate, withdraw, struggle to communicate and be selfish, too independent, and possible avoidant.
Top Relationship Strengths:
Highly driven and responsible—always working towards goals.
Easy going and easy to get along with because are not picky about much.
Values efficiency and problem-solving—doesn’t waste time on drama.
Top Relationship Challenges:
Might prioritize work, goals, or projects over emotional connection.
May struggle to express vulnerability and deeper emotions.
Can be too independent and need time alone.
Being in a Relationship with a Rectangle (Learner)
They are brilliant, creative, active, adventurers who are good at anything they set their mind too. In an unbalanced state they can be insecure, anxious, avoidant, and too independent. Some struggle with communication and connection, if they are insecure.
Top Relationship Strengths:
Open-minded and always looking to learn and do better.
Curious and engaged—wants to understand everything in the world
Cares about others and wants good relationships, so it teachable.
Top Relationship Challenges:
Can be indecisive and can struggle with commitment.
May struggle with feeling emotions and communication.
Struggles with confidence and may question if they’re “good enough”, but might cover this with ego and arrogance.
Being in a Relationship with a Diamond (Perfectionist)
They are organized, mindful, hard-working, over-achievers. They care deeply about their relationships and doing them right. They are polygonal though which means they can have trauma response behavior. In an unbalanced state they can be hard to please, picky, inflexible, controlling, or too exacting.
Top Relationship Strengths:
High standards—ensures the relationship is the best it can be.
Hardworking and reliable—puts effort into making things work.
Deeply committed and loyal—once in, they’re in for the long haul.
Top Relationship Challenges:
Can be overly critical and expect perfection from their partner.
May struggle to relax and enjoy the present moment.
Can be too particular about having things done the way they need.
Being in a Relationship with a Cross (Activist)
They are caring, empathetic, loving beings who want to have good relationships and care about them. In an unbalanced state though they could be stubborn, opinionated, and overly focused on their goals or projects. They could struggle to be open to other ideas and flexible to other plans.
Top Relationship Strengths:
Passionate and driven—brings excitement and purpose to the relationship.
Deeply loyal and protective of their loved ones.
Strong sense of justice—will always stand up for their partner.
Top Relationship Challenges:
Can be stubborn and unwilling to compromise.
May get caught up in causes and neglect the relationship.
Can struggle to control anger when they feel something is unfair.
Being in a Relationship with a Rhombus (Conqueror)
They can be protective, caring, hard-working, and may spoil the people they love. In an unbalanced state they might have issues with anger, control, lack of empathy, and stubbornness, with the need to be right.
Top Relationship Strengths:
Confident and charismatic—draws people in naturally.
Adventurous and bold—makes life with them thrilling.
Determined and ambitious—creates a future full of success.
Top Relationship Challenges:
Can be dominant or controlling in relationships.
Struggles with emotional vulnerability and expressing soft feelings.
Can be too competitive, even with their partner.
Being in a Relationship with a Triangle (Inventor)
They are intelligent, driven, hard-working, and interesting (often a little intriguing). They don’t care a great deal about their appearance, and in an unbalanced state can be hoarders and messy, overly frugal, and a little controlling or opinionated.
Top Relationship Strengths:
Intelligent and innovative—brings new ideas and fun into the relationship.
Independent and self-sufficient—doesn’t rely too much on their partner.
Problem-solver—always looking for ways to improve things.
Top Relationship Challenges:
Can be emotionally detached and struggle with intimacy.
May focus more on ideas than on emotional connection.
Can be argumentative and insist on being right.
Being in a Relationship with a Square (Survivor)
They are very committed to family, loyal, honest, principled people who will stand by you through anything. They care deeply about family commitments, but in an unbalanced state they can be critical, overly picky, controlling, and very opinionated about the right way to do everything. This is a polygonal Shape so their unbalanced behavior is often trauma response.
Top Relationship Strengths:
Strong and resilient—can handle anything that comes their way.
Loyal and dependable—sticks by their partner through thick and thin.
Practical and realistic—keeps the relationship grounded.
Top Relationship Challenges:
Struggles to express emotions and affection openly.
May be overly guarded and slow to trust.
Can be critical and resistant to forgive past wrongs.
Did you feel uncomfortable reading about the challenges of your Shape? Don’t worry—these behaviors only show up when you're triggered by fear. You may not experience them often, but if you do, it might be time to work with a 12 Shapes Coach to manage fear triggers and strengthen your ability to lead with love and values.
If you’re feeling uneasy about your partner’s Shape and its challenges, remember what drew you to them in the first place. Every relationship has its ups and downs, and every person brings something magical to their relationships. What matters most is whether you focus on the strengths or get stuck on the challenges.
At 12 Shapes, our mission is to create more compassion, understanding, and connection. We believe that when we truly see and accept others for who they are, relationships become easier and more fulfilling.
If you’d like to dive deeper, visit 12Shapes.com and explore how this knowledge can transform your relationships.
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