Why Ovals Avoid Confrontation – and How to Help Them Find Their Voice

Have you ever met someone who always tries to keep the peace, avoids arguments at all costs, and would rather sacrifice their own needs than rock the boat? If so, you might know an Oval.

Ovals are one of the most gentle and obedient of the 12 Shapes. They are kind, loyal, and dedicated to doing what’s right. But they also struggle with something big: confrontation.

If you think you might be an Oval, here are a few telltale signs:

You hate conflict and will do almost anything to avoid it.
You follow the rules and try to do everything "the right way."
You’re naturally quiet and prefer listening over talking.
You worry a lot about disappointing others or being judged.
If someone is upset with you, your first instinct is to apologize (even if you didn’t do anything wrong).
You often suppress your own wants and needs to keep others happy.
You like order, structure and having things done right.
You have morals, principles and values that are important to you.
You are kind and caring, but often feel invisible.

Does this sound like you? If so, keep reading, because understanding why you avoid confrontation is the first step to overcoming it.

Why Ovals Avoid Confrontation

At their core, Ovals are deeply afraid of failure, judgment, and disapproval. They are highly sensitive to what others think of them and don’t ever want to be seen as bad or wrong. This is why they go out of their way to avoid situations where they might be criticized, rejected, or cause discomfort.

Here’s what’s really happening when an Oval faces conflict:

They fear being judged. Ovals don’t want to say the wrong thing, offend someone, or be seen as difficult. They would rather be bothered and uncomfortable than risk rejection.
They fear disapproval. Making someone upset feels unbearable to an Oval. They’d rather give in than risk damaging the relationship.
They fear doing something wrong. Ovals are rule-followers by nature. They believe there’s a “right” way to behave, and standing up for themselves feels like breaking that rule.
They fear losing connection. Ovals are deeply relational, and they’d rather sacrifice their own needs than risk losing a friendship or upsetting a loved one.

Because of these fears, most Ovals instinctively choose submission over confrontation. If conflict arises, they don’t fight back – they usually cry, apologize, and retreat instead. They avoid difficult conversations, suppress their feelings, and often let others take advantage of them simply because they don’t want to cause waves. But, some Ovals will finally explode with a total melt down or release of anger that will shock you, when they reach the last straw.

Helping Ovals Find Their Voice

The good news? Ovals can learn to overcome their fear of confrontation – but it takes courage and the right kind of support. They need you to create safe spaces and ask them to share their truth. They need you to encourage them to disagree and give them permission to express that, where they won’t be facing rejection.

Ovals often benefit from some personal coaching to:

1. Diminish Their Fears

Ovals need to understand that their value is unchangeable. Nothing – not criticism, not disapproval, not even conflict – can make them "less than." When Ovals internalize this truth, they become less afraid of upsetting others.

2. Trust Life and the Universe

Ovals need to develop deep trust that life is on their side and that they are safe even when they step outside their comfort zone. When they learn to take small risks and see that everything turns out okay, their confidence grows.

3. Learn the Right Way to Have Tough Conversations

Ovals need a system for communication that feels safe. We teach them how to have mutually validating conversations where they can express their needs in a kind and respectful way – without feeling like they are attacking or offending anyone.

4. Practice Setting Boundaries in a Loving Way

For an Oval, setting boundaries feels terrifying. But once they learn that boundaries don’t have to be harsh or mean, they start to enforce them with love and kindness. This allows them to protect their energy and well-being while still honoring their relationships.

When an Oval learns these skills, everything changes. They stop letting fear control them. They gain the courage to say no, stand up for themselves, and express their feelings – all while remaining the kind and loving person they naturally are.

The Reward: Healthier Relationships & Greater Self-Confidence

Ovals who find their voice build stronger, healthier relationships – not weaker ones. They become more respected, understood, and valued because they finally start expressing their truth. And most importantly, they learn that they don’t have to sacrifice themselves to be loved.

If you’re an Oval, know this: Your voice matters. Your needs matter. You are allowed to take up space. And when you learn to navigate tough conversations with courage and grace, you’ll find a new kind of freedom – the kind that lets you be fully yourself, without fear.